It is the Lunar Snake Year of 2013. I arrive with my family at my father's side reunion dinner to notice that the numbers have dwindled from 5 tables to 4 tables. One family has called in the 11th hour to say they are not coming.
It was sad to see that all the 'white heads" (白头） made it while those who didnt turn up were all the 'children' so-to-speak in the family hierachy, although some of the 'children' were 40+ year old children.
My 2 children were the only below 10years old in the reunion, out of 4 tables.
I am disturbed. We are brought up in a democratic country and its all about free will.. besides fillial piety can hardly be coerced.. although I suspect it can be bought. I remember in the days when I was growing up and my grandfather was a rich 白手起家 self-made entrepeuer in the 1960s, our CNY days were filled with many opulent hampers and elaborate lion dances and many smilling aunties and uncles we never recognize but giving us well-padded hongbaos (which we naively handed to our mummies, for what's the use of money to a young child who only wanted to play?)
I digress. Yes, filial piety cannot be forced out. Could it be engineered through nagging lectures and memorisation of Chinese idioms? I don't know. All I know is I feel disturbed that CNY reunions that happen only once a year can be missed by reasons that are flippant. If I may sound like an old nag now, I would say;" Some respect should be given to such gatherings when our 长辈makes an effort to carry their old legs out and eat with us. The scenario should be othat of the old being too tired or too frail to make it. I mean, my 88 year old grand-auntie turned up in her wheelchair!
As a parent, my children groaned when they heard that they are going to sit through another CNY dinner where the food had no appeal to them when they were full after the 2nd course. Even the fact that they could collect hongbaos didn't whet their appetite as all they wanted was to go scooting or play computer games at home. I made them go along as I feel that they need to know that this is their duty to their grandparents. I whipped out the iphone and ipad though, as I knew, even if their cousins were there, there was only 2 and there were much too young to play with my children.
I can't change the rest of the world, but as a mother of my nucleus family, I could only do this much- modelling my presence in these CNY reunion dinners.
It was sad to see that all the 'white heads" (白头） made it while those who didnt turn up were all the 'children' so-to-speak in the family hierachy, although some of the 'children' were 40+ year old children.
My 2 children were the only below 10years old in the reunion, out of 4 tables.
I am disturbed. We are brought up in a democratic country and its all about free will.. besides fillial piety can hardly be coerced.. although I suspect it can be bought. I remember in the days when I was growing up and my grandfather was a rich 白手起家 self-made entrepeuer in the 1960s, our CNY days were filled with many opulent hampers and elaborate lion dances and many smilling aunties and uncles we never recognize but giving us well-padded hongbaos (which we naively handed to our mummies, for what's the use of money to a young child who only wanted to play?)
I digress. Yes, filial piety cannot be forced out. Could it be engineered through nagging lectures and memorisation of Chinese idioms? I don't know. All I know is I feel disturbed that CNY reunions that happen only once a year can be missed by reasons that are flippant. If I may sound like an old nag now, I would say;" Some respect should be given to such gatherings when our 长辈makes an effort to carry their old legs out and eat with us. The scenario should be othat of the old being too tired or too frail to make it. I mean, my 88 year old grand-auntie turned up in her wheelchair!
As a parent, my children groaned when they heard that they are going to sit through another CNY dinner where the food had no appeal to them when they were full after the 2nd course. Even the fact that they could collect hongbaos didn't whet their appetite as all they wanted was to go scooting or play computer games at home. I made them go along as I feel that they need to know that this is their duty to their grandparents. I whipped out the iphone and ipad though, as I knew, even if their cousins were there, there was only 2 and there were much too young to play with my children.
I can't change the rest of the world, but as a mother of my nucleus family, I could only do this much- modelling my presence in these CNY reunion dinners.
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